When I read this article, this is what has happened to me. And still, when I read that the underlying reason for this behavior is self-loathing, I cry for him. It hurts me that this could be the reason for this behavior. Even after all he’s done to hurt me, I still have empathy and pain for his pain. Pain he probably doesn’t even acknowledge. But it’s there, because no way in hell could someone treat another person like this, if they weren’t at some level, very much in pain. I know he brought out this co-dependence in me that I’d thought I’d worked on and gotten rid of–obviously still is present in me at some level. But I always wanted just to love him. My feelings were real. That’s the best I can do and I have to live with it.

When the end comes it doesn’t arrive quickly. The Narcissist may come back for more when other NSSs aren’t in ready supply or not doing their jobs properly. They may even enlist the aid of their friends to bring you back to the fold or intimidate you. Or maybe you will try to go back to them because you miss their presence in your life (which is usually the result of a loss of adrenaline that was previously generated by the highs and lows that interactions with Narcissists bring). You’re unlikely to get any closure on the basis that you to and fro or because there isn’t going to be a happy ending where you’re going to get the answers you need to feel happy about what happened in order to be able to put a lid on it.

Secondly, the Narcissist isn’t going to be spending time worrying about how you’re feeling or analysing their part in what went wrong in your “relationship”. This is because they won’t think they’ve done anything wrong and they don’t like to dwell on any negative emotions. In fact it’s likely they will feel a sense of relief that they no longer have to work so hard at keeping up appearances. They’ll just go and find another NSS to replace you, if they’re good looking or successful it won’t take them long so rest easy for them. Talk about it out loud, analyse it till you’re blue in the face, anything that helps you to process what’s happened and learn from it.