so he’s got these yucky photos of himself floating around. i mean, i like any photo i see of him, but i know he looks so much better in person than these unflattering shots i keep seeing. so i offer, selfishly, to take some decent photos of him. i’ve said that before, when he still liked me (if he ever did) and he agreed to let me take them.
of course it never happened, as has most of the other things we talked about…never happening…
but anyway. i wrote and told him i wanted to take some with my new camera, that he can use for PR shots–i’d give him permission to use them however he wants.
no answer.
of course.
but last night, i had a very vivid dream about him (all my dreams of him—which happen about once or twice a year–are very vivid). i dreamed that he argued with me about the photos and sent me one that was taken recently, to prove to me that he in fact DOES look nice in them.
lol.
he sent me this photo in which he was all wet. his hair was all black again, but very straight and slicked back, all wet, from his face. it was long and straggly.
he looked horrible. i just sighed and then i woke up.
doesn’t he know what a good partner i’d make for him?
photos, research, editing (i’m a much better editor than i am a writer), organize his papers, manage his schedule, AND hot sex?
and maybe i’d even keep his dammed house clean (though i’d harrass him about being a slob).
not to mention i am more devoted and loyal than he could know.
and
i am talented, and maybe i don’t possess high profile connections or high profile employment, but i would love him.
and that’s what he needs.
as if i know what he needs… how very presumptous of me.
he can’t even see what’s right in front of his face.
or more like it, i can’t see what’s right in front of my face.
he doesn’t love me, won’t love me, doesn’t even seem to like me very much anymore.
i guess i need some sort of distraction. i mean, he’s the distraction.
easier to love someone when you don’t really have to deal with them.
he needs a decent photo. just saying…
