i’ve noticed that i’ve been “attracting” a certain type of man to me lately, that is somewhat different than the type i’ve attracted in the past.

calm men. men who reassure me. men who calm me down. men who are patient. solid. men who are men and not afraid to behave like men. men who aren’t ambivalent. men who are emotional. men who are supportive.

i’m thinking of two lately. thepoet and the spanishteacher.

thepoet is of course married, but he is still much of the above to me, nonetheless. i always feel better when he’s at work or when i see him. he wasn’t there today and i felt a bit bereft. even if we don’t get a chance to talk much, just knowing he’s around, makes me calmer.

spanishteacher is the other one. he’s been much more attentive and present to me. maybe it’s because he only wants that summer job working with me, but still, today he was so sweet and calm when i was having a little freak out moment about finding families to host for this program. he came over to me and it almost felt like he wanted to put his arm around me. he told me not to worry and to “pray.” he looked happy to see me when i came out of my office. i think he was.

maybe it’s not just the job. anyway. it is so dammed nice to be treated well by men.

perhaps the tide is changing.

supportive? communicative? emotionally capable? respectful? attentive?

wow.

back to the work i need to finish. momentary lapse.