this used to be a very painful day for me. now that i’ve really begun to understand that peace comes with acceptance, i am not in pain over things like i used to be. of course things hurt, but i realize that accepting things as they are, instead of always wishing for things to be different, is so much easier.

anyway.

i’m fretting over the exchange program. what if i can’t find enough families? what if NO ONE wants to do it? i’m a little nervous about it…

i did, btw, get the book. the photo one that consists of so many of the photos i took for online crush. i really like it, though some of the photos did seem to come out a bit darker than i would have liked. i entertained the idea of sending a copy to him, and i still might, but for now, it’s on my dresser. i looked through it once.

i really like it. i like it so much i wish other people could see it. but it’s too personal. so personal that i can’t really share it.

it did make me feel like a true artist. a real photographer. it made me feel like it all wasn’t a waste. it made it feel real to me. made him more real.

that was the point i was going for and it seems to have worked. i haven’t really had much inclination to write to him since.

though i never stop thinking of him. it is what it is. and i made art from it all.

that may have to be enough.