Archive for March 15, 2009
obviously
the second dream i had last night (aka this morning) about online crush CLEARLY means that he has no clue what in the world he is doing/done that has hurt me. he just keeps on doing it (or, i should be phrasing that in past tense, since he no longer interacts with me, for all intents and purposes) and thinks he’s doing everything correctly.
well darling OC, having a large penis isn’t always the best thing.
what i mean to say, is that he is so driven, that he can’t see that his behavior is hurting me. or possibly others. he just remains focused on his own needs, to the detriment of anyone else’s feelings.
or he did. in my case. who knows how he is with the multitudes of women following him online and in person.maybe it’s just me he’s put off over and over again…
i could never have competed. his following has grown tremendously since we began communicating 5 years ago (this month, i believe it will be five years) and honestly, if i’d ever had the “relationship” i wanted with him, it would have disintegrated the same way, because of his lack of attention, the distraction of the multitudes, and just plain all around absence.
that dream ended nicely, because he finally settled down and paid close attention to me while we were having sex, and he stopped hurting me. clearly, the sex was symbolic for emotional connection.
clearly, it was just a dream.
uhm, this is bad of me, isn’t it?
i just saw on hyperman’s FB, that he is now no longer engaged or in a relationship. what’s up with that?
okay. i’m secretly kind of happy about it. that’s awful of me, isn’t it?
but come on. he was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO flirtatious with me last year and this year and when i was leaving, i was so incredibly surprised by his reaction to it. really…i wished he liked me, because we always laughed our asses off together.
he told me once that i always make him laugh.
yeah. without even trying.
no seriously, when i heard he was engaged, well, i just was kind of shocked.
hrrrrm…. i wonder what happened. i miss him. he was one of my fav te–chers, for sure.
that other guy
i was supposed to meet today has blown me off. he didn’t call like he said he would. i’m taking down the profile. i’m done.
the poem
no, i did not win the contest. i didn’t expect to, of course, but it would have been cool, no? the guy who did win, well, i didn’t think the poem was actually very well written. i mean, the form of it was not very good. and there were all these obscure and weird references in it.
i did have a rapt audience as i read though. and people were smiling a lot and i got a lot of applause. and i also had a number of people come up to me after and tell me they really liked my poem.
well, that’s because it was HUMAN. and of course, the majority of the good response came from women.
thepoet was there, and he kept on saying i was one of the top poems. well, that was nice. he’s sweet. i was happy to see him. he said he’d come to my bldg this week when i was there. he apparently knows my schedule very well.
i had two fucked up dreams last night about online crush. in one, i was at his house and he kicked me out. in the other one, i had sex with him and he had this GIGANTIC penis, and he kept on saying “come on, i can’t be hurting you!” as i cried out.
oh my god. how fucking weird is that? but still, the second dream was better than the first, because he was otherwise very affectionate and sweet to me in it. kissed me a lot.
damn him. i don’t dream about him anymore. what gives???
