i have a million things i could be doing, but i don’t want to do any of them.

i just bought a new pair of walking shoes (sneakers). and because they were 1/2 off, a pair of cute flat sandals with pretty leather flowers on them (i know that sounds ugly, but they aren’t) (you’ll see).

i’ve been emailing my friend H, who had the surgery this week. she sounds in good spirits, despite it all. she’s pretty out of it most of the time though. i think i’ll try to visit tomorrow, even just to run down there for a little bit. i don’t care if she’s sleeping. i just feel this need to see her in person. she sounded too out of it today. she says she misses me and thinks about me and so i guess maybe this happening will bring us back together. i realized how much i do love her and would be devastated if something happened to her. so i learned a good lesson. i have to talk to people who matter, instead of retreating. it’s hard with her, because of so much history, but obviously she means a great deal to me still.

online crush has been sick and i’ve been babying him–via the internet, of course. he’s weak, so he’s been corresponding with me. but it’s clear he’s completely cut me off in a “romantic” sense (that’s really not the right word, but for lack of the right one…). well. that’s better in the end if he can’t do the things he would always say he was going to do. i’d rather just be friends and cordial, than to be hurt over and over, if he can’t or won’t see me like he promised. at least we don’t hate each other. he gets threatened from time to time, and if something happened to him because of it, and we weren’t speaking, i again, would be devastated.

it is what it is.

i’m finally feeling better. after sleeping half of yesterday away. i just needed to do that i guess.

i have so much cleaning to do. but really, i just want to lay around.

oh. did i mention that a local publisher who i met through F, has invited me to send him a manuscript? for a book. a real live, full length book. poetry of course, but that’s very cool. i mean, we’ll see. he just said i should send him something. he hasn’t accepted anything yet.

and there’s egypt. ruminating on that one…

that the univ in egypt that i’ve applied to 2x before is hiring for instru—tion. i got SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited when i saw it. no seriously. i guess i still long to go there. i thought that had passed, but apparently it hasn’t because i’m already figuring out what i’ll get rid of and what i’ll put into storage when i go. lol. i’m so silly. now that i have the higher ed experience, well, i’m just PERFECT for the job.

ouch. it hurts me to see that ad. it’s not like i just got tenure or just bought a new car or bought a house. i can still go…

this year, is prob the last time i’ll be free to do this…

i have to apply. i just have to.

hasn’t spread. so that was a relief. she still has a long road…get your mammograms and do self breast exam…

i’ve definitely turned into a social worker/counselor/crisis intervener at work lately. lots of calming kids down and intervention to avoid fights. i’ve also called the office a few times, because they are just out of control and i’m not having a stroke over them.

it’s been exhausting, and i haven’t been able to get things done because i have to do that. i’m not the only one.

my friend H is having her surgery this afternoon and i’m waiting news.

i have to teach tonight. i really really don’t feel like it. i can’t wait until it’s all over.

did i mention F got accepted to a PhD program in Lousiana? man. i’m going to miss him, but i’m happy for him. plus, i can visit

it’s foggy tonight and drizzly. i kind of like it. fits my mood.