while shoveling out my car a few minutes ago, i was listening to pete murray’s song “saving grace” and i burst into full out tears. loud, racous sobbing. i didn’t even care. just stood in the snow and bitter wind chill crying my eyes out.

that song makes me think of D, my friend who died in Sept. and then it all just came crashing in. i saw that the mathematician had shoveled around and uncovered HER car and then i thought of the other rejections. asad sending me that email intended for another woman he was seeing and wouldn’t admit to me that’s why he backed off. the guy i met recently who i invited to my house last sat and he didn’t come. hyper man who flirts incenssantly with me but is now apparently engaged. and other things…

i guess it just all came out.

off to shower…i hate new year’s eve. it makes me feel more alone than any other holiday or event.