i got an offline message from him last night after i’d gone to bed.

i miss him.

could he just stop being in my mind? dreamed about him again last night. i was home and the doorbell rang and i looked out the window to see a cab pulling away. i go down and it’s him. standing there. no notice. acting as if nothing at all has happened and it’s the most natural thing in the world for him to show up, at my door. he grabbed me and kissed me and i resisted but couldn’t help but kiss him back, despite still wanting to be mad at him. he said he came to vote with me because it was my birthday.

lol. how funny. he doesn’t vote. AND we know it was a dream. remember my bday? does he even know i exist? doubtful.

sometimes i still wish it wasn’t all true. that he really WOULD be the kind of man to come here and make it up to me…

sigh.

i’m going to be late.

peace.

PS–election day really IS my bday, in case you were wondering

why, if he’s a loser, a gambler (yes, he admitted that to me at one point), drinker, smoker (though he’d take a shower before ever being in my presence), liar, cheater, user, pansy-ass coward, does it still bug me to have to live across the street from that fucker? (i remember what to call him, in fact). why do i look away and avoid ever accidentally witnessing anything going on over there? i still feel humiliated.

i mean. and then there’s OC and his, telling on himself, crap. i know i deserve to be treated so much better (doesn’t ANYone deserve that? pretty much) and all that. but how come HE ends up with someone (or multiple someones–who knows at this point) and i end up alone?

not that i want to settle for being treated like garbage. lied to. used. thrown away as if i never mattered or existed. the key is never letting it go that far with anyone again. dump their ass first. which, i suppose, they created a situation where i did the dirty work for them, so they could blame me and run off and do it again to someone else.

better her than me.

so what was i calling the tea—r at work who i have a crush on? i can’t remember. mr. nice-guy-i’ve-got-a-stray-cat sounds good. (that’s not it, but whatever).

he’s been in the lib—y a million times in the last couple of weeks. he’s been teasing me. a lot. and i realized today that he has a really lovely smile. i hadn’t noticed it before. i noticed that evening at happy hour, that he in fact has lovely blue eyes too. (stop chuckling D, i can’t help it)

but.

my cuz2 told me something i didn’t like about him today. at least, something that could potentially be something i wouldn’t like.

he came in all blah blah blahhing about sharing that afterschool job with me and i was happy to do that. especially because in my sneaky brain, i was thinking, “yeah, now we’ll have multiple excuses to talk to each other” oh brother. how old am i?

but this new info could potentially damage my opinion of him. though it could be something harmless.

and he probably doesn’t like me anyway. mr. i’ve got a stray cat aren’t i a nice guy?

i’m cold. and animoto is sucking me dry.

workshop was cool, a little long, but overall worth it.

especially since i found out about THIS COOL thingy. am i excited about using it with students? nope. i’m excited for ME

i have a workshop all day today, so i am lazing around this AM eating breakfast and drinking coffee. i can be a little bit later today than normal.

anyway. my obs less–n yesterday involved web eval and decision-mak—g. the kids got into it. i was pleased. on one of the sites, apparently, there was an ad asking which candidate was more likely to cheat on his wife?

there’s my boss sitting in the back, and this kid, who’s pretty savvy (and they all knew she was there) raises his hand and asks me why they had that ad on that site. uhm.

the teac–r and i looked at each other with the same “oh shit” look. i quickly went into asking him whether he thought that was appropriate or relevant and he said no. and i agreed–so we had a little talk about what IS important when deciding on a candidate. then i threw in that if i’d seen that ad, i wouldn’t have even put the site on their list to review. said with sort of an embarrassed chuckle, to which my boss laughed too. KIDS! arrrrgh!

i had a couple other interesting questions too.

why can’t kids vote?

why am i not old enough to be president?

yeah. and they were serious too. it was funny. or cute. or scary. not sure which. depends on the kid i guess.