the doctor just called to tell me he had to break our date.

he starts the conversation by saying “don’t hate me.”

of course i know what that means. he’s done this before. it’s why we stopped seeing each other before. i KNEW he was going to do this. I KNEW IT.

he said that the priest from the wedding he was just at asked him to go to the reception and they needed him to drive people there.

WHAT THE FUCK? what kind of fucking excuse is that?

and in the midst of my anger he asks me to forgive him. to let him make it up to me.

i said why?? so you can just fucking blow me off next time too?

i told him he had plans with me and he had no good reason to break them and what kind of religious person would think it’s okay to blow someone off like this?

he asked again to let him make it up to me.

you know how tired i am of this? you know how tired i am of men making promises to me and then not keeping them?

you know how tired i am of it?

fuck him. i hung up on him. no. i don’t forgive you. fuck you.

mathematician keeps calling me. over and over. asked to see me. i said no, you’re married. yeah, but i feel trapped and i’m not happy. well. he told me a bunch more things about what he’s been doing with her, and that pretty much nothing has changed between them as far as the problems between them.

so i asked, well, so you’re just going to keep going on like this forever? what’s going to make you make a change?

he had no answer. he asked again to see me. i said no. i told him i was going on a date and i told him that i was playing with online crush again. he started to get upset over that, but he said he knows he has no right to be.

right. you don’t.

i told him that a bunch of men have been in contact with me lately, surprisingly, and that i plan on continuing to see them.

he asked if i was sleeping with any of them. i refrained from answering that, since it’s none of his business. he says he’s not sleeping with his wife. well, whatever. she had surgery or something. i doubt he’s telling the truth about it.

anyway. i don’t care that much. here’s what’s going to happen:

i’m going on with my life, and if he wants to be part of it, he needs to get his shit together and go through with the divorce.

if he doesn’t get his shit together, well, then, that’s his problem. i doubt he will. i told someone last night that i’m tired of all the drama. yeah, he made me laugh but he also made me cry. i told him if he had seen the way i cried that first night i realized what was going on, he’d never be able to hold his head up again.

he keeps saying he’s sorry. well. it doesn’t mean all that much.