i went to see a panel discussion last night with the maestro and holocaust survivors and it’s been in my head ever since. it was very touching and poignant. there were two women there and one gentleman. all three were vibrant and full of life and memories about the conductor whose story we are dramatizing this afternoon in our concert.

one of the women in particular struck as me as so poetic. her descriptions of how she felt, were all metaphoric. i wondered if she realized she was speaking in metaphor. i was in the 2nd row and i was just mesmerized by her. when the discussion ended, i felt compelled to speak to her. so i did. she was tiny, and i was wearing heels (which makes me almost 6 feet tall) so i had to bend so i didn’t tower over her.

she was so sweet. when i told her that she was a poet she denied it vehemently, insisting that while her mother had been a sculptor and other members of her family were artists, she had no talent at all (remember, she was an original chorus member in a concentration camp, singing the verdi piece-learned by rote-under the baton of raphael schachter). i told her that even if she was unaware of it, her words were poetic and since i am a poet, i really noticed it. she finally conceded and thanked me. her humility so reminded me of my grandmother…

she asked me what part i was singing in the chorus and i told her alto 1 and she said “oh, i have a friend in czechoslovakia who also sang alto 1, i am going to tell her that i spoke to you!” i told her i’d be singing the part for them tomorrow (today).

i also managed to get the courage to speak to the maestro. i had to wait for a long time, standing pretty much right next to him, but so many people interrupted or got ahead of me. i’m not very pushy when it comes to this sort of thing, i just hang back, especially because i was nervous to speak to him. but i really wanted to, so i waited. he saw me standing there and at one point he held up his finger to me, to indicate to me that he knew i was there and to wait. i wasn’t going to walk away and i wasn’t upset. it was fine, but i thought that was kind of him.

when i finally got to speak to him, i shook his hand and said my name, and he didn’t hear me (ambient noise and/or me being shy) and so i had to lean in to say it again. he was strangely quiet. i didn’t expect it considering his gregariousness and “stage presence.” maybe it’s weird to have strangers coming up introducing themselves and saying nice things to you. i know that would be weird for me to. what do you say? i don’t know.

i told him i was a member of the choir (he probably knew that) and that i just wanted to say thank you for what he was doing, that it was an honor to sing under his baton, and that i was really pleased that he was telling this story, because i feel that it tells the story of what music really means and how it matters in the world. he smiled and said thank you. he was quite humble. just nodding and barely even looking me in the eye. that was sort of disappointing, really. i wasn’t sure if i made him uncomfortable or he’d heard this so much before that it just went in one ear…

no. i don’t think so. again, what would i say if someone did that? in fact, i know how weird it is to be approached by strangers (flattering and meaningful, but still sometimes uncomfortable) and told that they really loved something i wrote. i’ve had complete strangers do that in person but also via phone. i’ve had at least three occasions where someone read a poem i’d had published and took it upon themselves to look up my phone number, and leave me a message on my answering machine about how moved they were. and one letter to the same effect. those are things i will never forget, and though the people may have felt it didn’t matter to me, it did. i just didn’t know how to respond to that very well at the time.

anyway. i am glad i spoke to him, even if he did find me a weirdo what i said came from my heart and i am sure he knew that. people’s public persona’s are very often different than the personal ones. i think i must have gotten a glimpse of the personal side. and it was sincere and humble, which was nice.

i have to go stretch, iron my concert clothes, and just relax a bit. i don’t want to be rushing around at the last minute.

did i also mention i spoke to mathematician yesterday? i returned his call, and he asked about my concert. he said he might try to come. we shall see.