i wasn’t going to bother writing about this, because i didn’t want to waste any more energy on it, but i decided i would. because i am proud of myself and i want to comment on it.

to make a long story short, that idiot, rocket scientist was here from NJ yesterday on alleged business. he gave me no notice, to speak of, and then expected me, demanded, basically, that i see him based on HIS schedule. i told him no. i said i could come to have a drink with him before my rehearsal but that was all i could do. for about 1/2 an hour (since he didn’t really give me any notice). he said he was “tired” and wanted to lay down, couldn’t i come AFTER rehearsal. his reason for not seeing me when i was actually available? because he was tired? i told him he could lay down the rest of the night, why not see me when i could actually come?

i must have said NO about 10 times. i told him after working all day and then 3 hours of intense singing for a concert that matters more to me than i can explain, i would not be able to do anything.

i basically blew him off. he even had the nerve to send me text messages during my rehearsal, asking if i’d left yet to come see him.

are you fucking kidding me? i didn’t respond.

not too many years ago i might have gone after rehearsal, even though i wouldn’t have wanted to. i might have agreed. i might have. probably would have. because i was pathetic or lonely or really just didn’t get that this kind of behavior from a man is so totally disrespectful of me.

but i get it now. and i’m really proud of myself for saying no, meaning it, and not giving in.

i feel really good about that. even though i’ve yet to get seriously involved with someone nice, as i would like to, i’m not sleeping around, acting stupid, being desperate, or taking any more shit.

when he thought he was losing and thought he still had a chance to change my mind, he started saying:

“you’re really special. you’re really special. that’s why i’m doing this, because i know how special you are, otherwise i wouldn’t even bother.”

it was all i could do not to laugh. i did say this:

“i know i am, so why aren’t you treating me that way?”

ha.