Archive for April 6, 2008
nothing much
going on this weekend. just cleaning, shopping, hanging around. week from hell coming up. must get enough rest and won’t be posting all that much either, i think. unless something fun and exciting happens.
rocket scientist and i spoke briefly yesterday before both of us went out to our respective evening plans, but today, he hasn’t called 
can you believe i’m complaining about it? i don’t dare tell him i’m wishing he’d call.
he emailed me, and IMed me offline, to tell me he was thinking of me and wanted to say hi. so i texted (how do you spell that anyway??) him because i missed that IM by like, 3 minutes.
but he hasn’t called or texted back.
one of my friends said today, over dinner, “is he married you think?”
ugh. i hope not. he said not. i didn’t get that vibe at all, but this weekend…well. could he be?
or just involved elsewhere maybe. which i don’t want to know or care about.
he has two girls, and they don’t live with him, but i’m thinking he must see them on the weekend, right? i know last weekend he didn’t but maybe this weekend he did.
or he’s just a liar like the rest of them.
or.
this sucks for me.
the stress of learning to trust someone is hard on me.
i’ve been lied to soooo many times in soooo many different situations, that not hearing from someone makes me crazy. as we know.
i’m working on it. it’s my issue. i realize that.
this has been in my head for awhile
i’ve had this poem in my head for about a month maybe. today, after reading some pablo neruda, i finally wrote down the poem. i didn’t mean for it to have the mashed up look to it, but i kind of like it now. i’m liking the poem.
date dresses
i went on a little shopping spree that i had no business really going on today, but i did it anyway. i’ve lost weight and haven’t really bought any new clothes since that happened. well, hardly anything anyway, except some black pants last fall for work, all of which are too big for me now as well.
so i thought i’d stop into one of my favorite little shops where most of the clothes are way too trendy for me, but sometimes they have some cool things that i like and they are cheap.
wow. i really lucked out today.
AND i am able to wear one size smaller (that’s now three sizes i’ve gone down total) in jeans/pants, and TWO sizes smaller in dresses (my body shape has something to do with this strange difference).
i bought three really cute dresses–two really are summer dresses, but i could wear them in the spring with a little sweater over top until the summer, and the third is a clingy number suitable also possibly for work on occasion.
i also got a pair of jeans (the waist is even too big, still, but since i have that belly, that frequently happens to me), a cute sleeveless shirt, and two pairs of sandals–one a pair of silver flip flops and the other a pair of gold, sort of exotic looking, flat sandals.
how much did i pay for all these goodies?
guess. take a good guess.
$106 for 3 dresses, a shirt, a pair of jeans, and two pairs of sandals!
i win the award for frugal buying behavior.
the dresses are so cute. i’ll take some photos and post tomorrow perhaps.
rocket scientist called me just as i was leaving the store and asked what i was up to. i told him i was buying a dress for a date.
he said: oh that’s nice, a date. when’s that?
i said: well, i don’t know, he didn’t say yet when he was coming back.
he said: oohhh. well in two weeks i should be back.
tee hee. i hope so. i’ve been thinking about it, and i realize that i often times ignore the thing in front of me, the real thing, in favor of the hope of something else, or the dream of someone.
i decided to take a leap.
he’s the one offering things, and paying attention, and i like him and i want to see him again. so i’m taking the leap of letting go of the past hurts in order to let him in.
slowly. but i’m riding the horse in the direction it’s going this time, instead of always looking behind me or elsewhere.
so that’s all for now.
