Archive for April 2, 2008
oh and i forgot
rocket scientist has been ever so careful about not calling me and pestering me since i made it clear he couldn’t call me every day. but i can tell from the tone of his voice, when we have talked, he’s miffed about it. better miffed than bugging me so much that i don’t like him.
okay. and it’s not like i have to be treated badly to like the person. he was just pushing me and we haven’t even had our date, which is still on for thursday, when he is in town for business.
now he’s saying just drinks. maybe he’s backing off because i’ve been kind of cold. well. what does he want anyway? i’m not going to trust anyone and their bullshit lines for a long time.
prove to me you mean what you say with your BEHAVIOR.
that takes time.
anyway. he has been respectful of my wishes. so that’s something.
good kisser requested…
to see my photos. i blurted out today at lunch that i’d posted his band pics on my flickr site (see photos to the right). he perked all up.
what’s that?
you know, my photo site.
what’s it called?
oh, it’s a secret.
you mean, you have to have a password?
well, no, i just don’t give it to people at work (D’s the exception but she can be trusted)
oh.
well, you could see it, but you can’t share the URL with anyone here.
no. no i just want to send it to my friend in the band. i really liked looking at your photos too.
thanks. (shy me takes over briefly)
more talk of my photos, etc.
ok so i’ll give you the address but it will be blocked from here.
ok. thanks.
snuck in later while he was teaching and put a small post it on his computer, with note not to share.
he hasn’t looked (i can pretty much tell) so is this lack of interest? more likely he forgot and left the post it at work.
anyway. wondering if i should hide some of those pics? i leafed through them earlier, and the only ones that are iffy, or would make him WONDER about me, are really the self-portrait ones. and i’m leaving those up.
whatever will be will be.
and
we do not know if this is good. we do not know if this is bad.
on my knees
yeah. read that however you want to. it’s someone’s favorite position. i won’t name names, however.
anyway. this afternoon after work i stopped at D’s house for a brief gaudy moment in time and relieved her of a key of hers i needed at work. my poor friend is suffering so and can’t be at work right now, and i miss her, and we have fun together. so it’s nice to see her, of course (keep praying for her to get better please).
so i’m telling her about work and blahhing incessantly about this man or that man. and suddenly, i swear it, i was overcome with drama and fell from the couch to my knees, saying:
i sent him naked photos of myself. what if? what if? i mean, they weren’t THAT bad. BUT. fuck fuck fuck.
she laughed along with me, because of my silliness, and then this:
well, let this be a lesson to me.
scrunched up face. seriously scrunched up face.
and no, i’m not talking about any of the men i’ve talked about here. just so you know. at least, not any of the ones recently.
note to self: don’t trust anyone. ever. again. with. those. pics. you. took. for. your. self.
get it?
got it?
good.
