i deleted real man from my facebook. i also deleted someone else awhile ago when i was feeling hurt and feeling abandoned, but maybe it’s better for me, not to know what’s going on with him all the time either. but he’s still cool by me.

real man is done. i sent him an email today through there, to share the photo i took of him and he didn’t respond, though i know he read it and saw the photo.

so. whatever fucked up reason he has for not even being polite enough to respond to me, i don’t care anymore. he’s deleted. deleted from my phone too.

it was obvious from the lack of response and also, from mutual friend’s tight-lipped-ness last night, that there is some big thing they both don’t want me to know. seems nobody wants to hurt my feelings.

ever hear of the idea that silence hurts more than just the simple truth? or a kind half-truth? as in, i’m not sure we have much in common. or i’d just like to be friends.

cowards. the lot of them.

so i hung out with mutual friend between real man and myself, last night. i mentioned real man once. mutual friend didn’t say much at all, but he did reiterate that he said he had a great time. otherwise very very tight-lipped about him. i didn’t feel that was very encouraging.

later on i was mentioning to him that i’d heard that good kisser had as bad taste in women as i usually have in men, and mutual friend turned to me and said, i thought you were with that guy?

what guy?

that guy you were with at the photo opening (the night i met real man)

oh? forrest? nooooo. we’re only friends.

oh. (look of confusion and consternation)

but i went on a date with real man? didn’t i? wasn’t that a date? why would i go on a date with real man if i was seeing forrest? what do they think of me?

i do have a number of male friends, some gay, but mostly straight, now that i think about it. and i do hang out with mostly them. most of my women friends are married. is that why? i don’t know.

even last night, i came in with mutual friend and left with old neighbor (to give him a ride home). i did happen to notice that several times when i turned around as i was leaving with old neighbor, good kisser was watching me. i wonder what he was thinking?  comes with one man, leaves with another.

hot libr–ian, silly man

anyway. back to what i was musing about re: real man. could this be why he hasn’t called? that mutual friend told him i’m seeing forrest? but. he asked about me despite me being with forrest.

maybe he never liked me at all. sooooooooooo confused.

that’s what i’m calling the guy who’s from NJ that i’m supposed to meet and have dinner with on thursday. why? i don’t know, because i called him that once and i like it and now it’s going to stick.

anyway. i had to set him straight.

I KNOW I COMPLAINED BITTERLY ABOUT NOT GETTING A CALL FROM REAL MAN ALL WEEK.

but. too many calls before even MEETING is just as bad.

seriously. he called me two times yesterday and texted me once. we also spoke online very very briefly in the morning. ALL initiated by him.

now come on buddy. i haven’t even met you yet.

can you say RED FLAG?

he said he hadn’t done this online dating thing too much, so maybe he’s actually telling the truth and doesn’t know the rules.

don’t spend too much time or effort “getting involved” before actually meeting face to face.

i told him straight out that we didn’t need to talk everyday, seeing as we hadn’t even met yet. he didn’t seem to understand.

so i said “well what if we meet and you don’t like me?” (translation: what if I don’t like YOU)

“i already like you”

“no. i mean, we are enjoying talking now but in person, it can be very different. for instance, i can be very shy” (shussh you naysayers! who know me

“i don’t believe that.”

“well you’ll see, i am. and what i really mean is that we might not feel any chemistry.”

“well, what if you don’t like me, are you going to bolt?”

“no. but i might not want it to go any further than dinner.”

“oh. but you said in your profile you would be open to an activity partner.”

“okay. that’s true. so if that’s what you want, i would be open to that possibility too. because frankly, i don’t see myself moving and i imagine you don’t want to either.”

“right.”

it’s not true that i wouldn’t move, because i absolutely freaking would if i was madly in love. but i don’t want him to know that.

anyway. he said he wouldn’t call me everyday.

but he sent me offline messages today. and while i was writing this, i saw him come online once and go off again.

maybe he’s not a psycho, and he’s really just excited about me. which is nice and flattering. however, it would be better if he felt that way AFTER we met, as long as i feel the same. i have no expectations, but i don’t think he’s learned that yet.