i made a new page for the blog, to refer to from time to time. to remind myself of what i want and have to wait for, instead of focusing so much on what i don’t want. i think it’s a pretty good list.

you can see the photo collage i made of this here.

leap day is a day women are supposed to be able to ask a man to marry her, without fear of any reprisals. well. one man i know, has had several women today ask him to marry them. quite sweet and pretty understandable, knowing him the way i have begun to know him.

but as we were talking about it, it occurred to me, that in all my years of adulthood, i have never ever asked a man to marry me. three have asked me, and once i said yes, then broke it off, and the other two…well, as we know, i am not married. not even in a joking way would i ask someone to marry me.

i like to tell the story of my paternal grandparents, who were both from scotland, and how they met and began courting (because that’s what it was called then). my grandma and her friend were at a valentine’s day dance, which also happened to be a sadie hawkins dance, where, the women can ask a man to dance (without fear of reprisal, as in leap day). they set out to approach my grandfather and his friend to ask for a dance, but were cut off by two other girls who beat them to it. they never did ask for the dance. it was toward the end of the dance, and despite meeting and saying hello, they did not dance that evening.

later in the week, the two girls (grandma was 16) ran into the two boys on the street. the men walked with them both, and then my grandfather, after that, came by to walk with my grandmother on a regular basis, and they began their courtship.

apparently, my great-grandmother scolded my grandma’s older sister for not getting him first (because he was a bit older than grandma, by 8 years) but it was all as it was meant to be. you see, grandma could have been persistent or pushy, but she let things happen as they were supposed to. and she ended up marrying the man who she wanted to ask to dance, but in the end, i think it was best they didn’t.

i don’t care how many years it’s been since then, men are still men. they want to chase. i’ve learned that the hard way and now, if someone wants me, and i think they are worth it, i won’t muck it up by pushing. or at least i try very very hard not to do that.

it goes back to the same thing i’ve been saying; if they want you, you don’t have to do a thing. they will find you, make the effort, show up, and not let you wonder. you don’t have to ask. if it’s the right man, he’ll ask you (though just cuz he asks, doesn’t mean he’s the right man).

well. at least i feel i’ve done something right all these dating years. i haven’t married the wrong person. i will wait. eventually i’ll get to take that walk with a man who can’t seem to forget me and doesn’t want to let me go.

i’m not asking. ever. i want the bended knee, the public proclamation, the ring (though it need not be a diamond), the surprise. nothing less.