so i got the car fixed this morning (and happened to write a poem while there waiting, as well as some more to a short story i’ve been working on for awhile) and then i went over to my dad’s to visit.

i was asking who exactly in my family lives in aberdeen, and got a bunch of names, mostly of cousin’s of my dad’s (most of whom i’ve met before), my great uncle, but also including my aunt in pitmedden and cousins in peterhead. my friend carole is somewhere along the north coast too (her dad was from campbell town), but not sure where as i haven’t been in touch with her in awhile, and then there’s stephen in edinburgh. well. then i confessed that i happened to see a job there that i could apply for.

my stepmom was all excited and my dad thought about it for a minute before saying anything. then he said this:

What? You couldn’t stand it in Ithaca and now you want to go to Scotland?

i was sort of amused at his response, thinking he’d be excited to hear me thinking about it. and then he said my nephew wants to study abroad in scotland as well. hmmm. i was not aware of that (he’s in his sophomore year at Univ of Rochester), but it doesn’t surprise me.

well it’s not really the same. i basically had no choice but to leave bflo and go to ithaca, because i had no job. that was the best option at the time. it was too small. a little town in an isolated area. it’s not europe, that’s for sure, and i never really wanted to go. i felt forced.

but europe again? really, when would i have this chance again? probably never. maybe he’s right, i’d hate it. but i was super homesick in paris for a month or so, and when i got over it, i really didn’t want to come home, except to visit. i know aberdeen isn’t paris, but…

it’s bigger than bflo. and i also have family there–which is also different than ithaca (where i had no one).

anyway. i feel i must try. right? but then i realize i have the best job i’ve ever had, right now, and wouldn’t i just be a big fool to give that up?

i don’t know. but i can’t not apply.