call the man in ireland? hmmmm. thinking…

i went to rehearsal and it was just what i needed to do. there were points during the evening when i was just mesmerized by our sound. we had that feeling of being one voice, something i don’t know if i’ve ever heard the chorus do. if so, it’s been a very very long time. i think people are really working on the music at home, because i’ve never heard us sound so together and precise. taking this recording business very seriously, which is wonderful.

singing soothes me…

the waves of grief come up and down. i can actually feel it building inside me, and then after the release, i am okay again. i’ve been through it before, i know how it goes.

as for Dublin Dude (DD) (that’s my name for him now, even though he’s not technically in Dublin), well, he distinctly reminds me of my dear friend Fares. huge, incredible, impossible shoes to fill, but if i didn’t know better, i’d say i was talking to him today…

very kind. wise. spiritual. perceptive. attentive. intense.

gave me hope…

no sign of the others. sigh…i was hoping to talk at least with NJ man…the other one, well, i’m thinking i won’t bother anymore. i don’t know why, but i’ve suddenly been turned off. not sure why. i sense some insincerity–something being held back–though i can’t say what.

NJ man? he always holds back, but it’s different with him. there’s sincerity there, even though he checks out for periods of time. he’d probably disagree with my characterization of him, but he’s a nice guy, despite his protestations to the opposite. he checks in on me when he knows something’s up. at least he has in the past. he behaves as if i am real.

off to bed. very busy next ten days.